Commitment and disappointment
Again……Times of India likes to talk about casual sex among young people. There was an article about this before and again I found similar article this morning. Thinking about TOI is a paper which is widely favorably read by middle-class Indians, this topic seems like their favorite topic or concerned issue these days. (Or my concerned issue…)
It is said that it is now cool to keep virginity in the US. On the other hand it is cool to be sexual adventurous in India. Those young girls seek nothing serious in relationships and it is uncool to be sexually inexperienced. It is said the one fourth of call center employees have regular casual relationships. (Should I work there, too?)
TOI analyzes reasons of this behavior of young girls that those girls who got self-confidence by financial independence brought by booming jobs like call centers or marketing seeks new life style influenced by a media as “The Sex and the City”. It is also the reason that they have a carpe diem philosophy that they should have fun in early 20’s since they will get married with someone chosen by parents in the end.
It is not like I want to against their life style or anything. I just feel that what do we learn from experiences which do not involve emotional attachment, distresses or commitment? It is true that those emotional things make our life complicated. According to the article, one guy said that his “girlfriends” in mid-20 spend their time with other guys till he get free when he says he is too busy to see them. Yeah, it sounds like rational. But I cannot help wondering that is it the real flavor of the relationship spending one night suffering from mental agony? Is it the real pleasure of spending time wondering whether a guy really likes me or not? (Yes, it is suffering!)
I think that this shallow attitude is not only about the relationship. It can be applied to other things related to life especially like a job. I heard that it is common to switch jobs among youths these days when they simply did not like it. It is difficult and emotionally tough thing to peruse our own carrier wondering whether this is really a job for ourselves suffering with reality that there is no such a job easily available for us. It is always required to see the balance (or compromise) among own ability, job availability and what we want to do in our life. Of course, it is difficult to get them. No one is happy about their job in the first place and even those who were happy in the beginning will suffer anyway. We are required to keep making efforts, hunting for new chances and at the same time dealing with responsibilities accompanied with current jobs. This really is suffering process. We are required to devote ourselves emotionally and physically. It is exhausting process.
I understand that why they wont to avoid commitment in relationships or in carrier. Because commitment always involves with disappointment. Commitment does not assure that we will get what we want. It often ends up with disappointment and emotional hurt in the short run. The more we commit our time, efforts, emotion etc, the more it hurts when we cannot get satisfactory results. It is simple; if we stop committing ourselves emotionally and physically towards life, we would never get distressed.
Some people may thing I am old-fashioned. Or I am not good at handling with life being always struggling. It may be true. But I just simply want be a person who does not fear those disappointments in life. Maybe those realtionship experience makes us capable dealing with those life difficulties.
posted by aya @ 9:38 AM
3 Comments:
i was lately really surprised, about already having a comment, even before having told my friends that my blog exists. thank you for this comment, and i am also looking forward to reading youre blog. are you still in india, and where have you been exactly?
Daikuhara sociologist, you are doing so well. I bet TOI did not think think about this when they wrote that piece of shit, they write every alternate day in Delhi Times or in the Sunday supplement.
When I read it, I didnt think much about its profundities. I merely shrugged this off. Cause I always wonder how real these opinions are and how accurately the journalist (can we call the writer that?) has potrayed it.
You know cause being in delhi for 12 years now, I was in the midst of the urban sexual revolution as the media calls it, but honestly I havent seen much changes, its the same as it was before. Those you preferred the shorter way still do and a lot of people LIE, this is very true.
But a lot of youngsters, age group 20-25 lie about their sexual experiences and more so to someone like a TOI journalist. For girls, it works differently, but considering the conformity of sleepign around, I wouldnt be surprised if they are actually lying.
But then sometimes, I wonder, maybe there is a sexual revolution happening and I dont know. hahaha.
mmm...I do not know why people need to boast about sexual experiences. I do jealous people all the time (hehe...) but I do not understand this point. I believe that number does not matters but contents does matter in relationships.
My antholopolgist freind told me that it may be because Indians do not consider marrige is an extension of love or relationship. Therefore, they simply enjoy one-night relationships. Could be. May be I am the one still trapped with fanacy of finding Mr. Right, though I am talking gender theories and myth of coupleness. Singh....
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