home

Finally, after all these three years....I may be able to go back to home for two weeks.

Rembering how badly wanted to go back when I first reached here. Rembering how badly missed all of my freinds.....(I am afraid that they all forget me....) Remembering how badly missed going for shopping and eating my favorite foods. Remembering how badly wanted to go back to the place that I can feel relaxed and feel protected.........

These feeling have not changed at all now. The situation that I am not be able to go back to where I am from for three years made myself prettey miserable. I got emotionally distructed. I missed people I love. I missed them badly. I felt so lonely, I am feeling so lonely without anyone here. I miss my freinds. I miss freinds who can laugh together......I miss freinds who are always open to me....so that I do not need to protect myself to avoid getting hurt.

However....at the same time, I feel bit awkward to go back.

Well, it may be necesary for me to think what to do there to motivate myself!
First, I gatta e-mail all my freinds to inform that I am coming back.
Second, (if my freinds can get few days off) we should go to excursion for hot spring near Sendai.
Third, I should eat sushi as much as possible so that I do not need to eat them for another year.
Fourth, I gatta take my parents to somewhere, again hot springs, nearby.
...that's it?

The reason that I am scard to go back to Japan or to settle in Japan is that there are too much information. People are way too busy to run after those informations. Girls are way too busy to spend so much time to know what is hot in fashion, cosmetics etc etc from magazines. I think that we Japanese are lost in flood of information. We just lost ourselves. We are spending lots of time for unknown other who we have never met and forget about ourselvs. We are just struggling agaist something which does not exist but we here they exist somewhere and forget what does exist in front of our eyes.

It is so hard for me to battle here. But I sometimes feel that this is a great opportunity to face myself without being interefered by faceless information.

Should I go back or not?